


Delicate

by rainbowanatomy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Song fics, spoilers of course, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowanatomy/pseuds/rainbowanatomy
Summary: Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? Cause I know that it's delicate.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Kudos: 17





	1. Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Several snapshots of The Doctor and Yaz, (loosely) based off of Taylor Swift songs, because Taylor's lucky number is 13, and Thirteen and Yaz is truly an adorable sight. Somewhat chronological.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has something important to talk to Yaz about.

_There's robbers to the east, clowns to the west_

_I'd give you my_ _sunshine, give you my best_

_But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me_

* * *

They're walking along the street, tasked with getting more tea for the Khan household since no one could find the bags. The Doctor doesn't know who took whose hand first, but their joined hands swing between them. Yaz squeezes once. She squeezes back, The Doctor’s two hearts are beating too fast. She clears her throat.

“Yaz?” she starts. The woman hums in response. “When your mum asked if we were seeing each other, I’m a bit, well, foggy. Regeneration and all.” She swallows, throat dry. “She meant dating, right?”

Yaz laughs, but she tries not to project nerves into it. “Yeah, she did. I’m sorry about that, she’s _always_ trying to set me up with all my mates…”

“Oh. I was wondering, though. You seemed really shocked at the idea of us… seeing each other.” She lets go, stuffs her hands in her pockets, stops at the corner. “Is the thought really so bad?”

Yaz turns to look back at her, eyes wide and bright. “Why do you ask?”

She takes a deep breath. “Dunno… I just thought… And I don’t normally have thoughts like this, right? Especially with my brain all foggy from regeneration. And especially in my line of… living- Anyway. I just thought… that maybe we were. Seeing each other. That is.” She holds her breath, waits in the silence, can’t bring herself to meet Yaz’s gaze. Then Yaz’s hands reach into her pockets, twine their fingers together, whispers,

“I really like that thought. I just told her that we were friends because… I didn’t believe you could ever think it. Normally people talk about these things beforehand.”

“In my defense, I thought I was being extremely obvious with you.” She glances into those eyes. “We’re talking about it now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. Yeah we are.” The smile on Yaz’s face shines brighter than the moon, the stars. It reminds her of the next thing she has to say as she fixes her gaze back at their shoes.

“I could never give you peace, though, Yaz. It’s not fair of me, to be standing here, saying that I-“ She cuts herself off, finally looks up into those brown eyes that hold a thousand galaxies. That hold her universe. “That I fancy you. Everyone I have ever loved… I shorten people’s lives, Yaz. So it’s not fair that I even thought we were dating. It’s not even fair to you to say any of this.”

“Why are you-“

“I just have to warn you, Yaz. I’m not the best boyfriend. Or girlfriend. I’m not like you. I’m not always... I’m not always good.” She feels tears well, blinks them away, waits for Yaz to take it back.

“Doctor… you’re like the best person I’ve ever met. Look at me.”

She does. “Are you sure?” she breathes.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“That’s… pretty loaded, Yaz,” she chuckles.  
“Oi, can it. I’m not the one who just confessed loving me.”  
“That was a confession? I thought it was obvious. Falling in love with you is ridiculously easy, Yasmin Khan.” That earns her a rush of blush painting Yaz’s cheeks and she laughs, takes their hands out of her pockets and drops one so they can keep walking. “I do have one actual confession to make, though.”  
“What’s that, then?” Yaz laughs, “You want to marry me?”

“You keep talking like these are secrets, Yaz.” That shuts Yaz up. Another discussion for another time. She reaches into one of her inner pockets, pulls out a fist full of tea bags. “You weren’t actually out of tea…”

Yaz takes the shift of topic in stride. “So you stole all of my mum’s tea so I would be told to go to the store just so you could try to both talk me into and out of a relationship with you?”  
“Yeah. Good plan, eh? I’m honestly so chuffed for coming up with that one, with my brains still being a bit scrambly and all.” Yaz stops walking and their joined hands yanks the Doctor to a halt, too.

“You make it very hard _not_ to fall in love with you, either, Doctor…” she murmurs, shaking her head. “Cause I do. Love you. That is.” The universe in Yaz’s eyes dazzles her. All the tension leaves her body at the words, her new favorite song. The response comes like she’s spoken it a million times,

“I love you, too, Yaz.”

* * *

_But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm_

_If your cascade ocean wave blues come_

_All these people think love’s for show_

_But I would die for you_


	2. London Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor stays with Yaz for a few nights.

_Stick with me, I'm your queen_

_Like a Tennessee Stella McCartney on the Heath_

_Just wanna be with you_

* * *

For someone who has lived for over 900 years, love brings out the most endearing childlike wonder in the Doctor. After the fam's 19 New Years, she agreed to bring the fam back to Sheffield for a few days. Yaz asked her to stay, flashed her those brown eyes, and she found herself tripping over her words to say yes. The moment they walked through the door, Najia took one more look at them, noted the lack of Ryan and Graham, and raised an eyebrow.

“What, no ‘Hi, Yaz! So happy you’re home early’?” Yaz joked at her mum’s silence. Sonya, seated at the table, turned in her chair, stopped with spoon midway to her mouth and went,

“You’re holding hands with your girlfriend. Mum’s stunned into silence because she can’t believe anyone would actually date your arse,” then turned away and went back to eating her cereal.

“Oh, sorry, Yaz,” the Doctor murmured, squeezing Yaz’s hand, “Didn’t even realize. I got nervous.” She got caught in Yaz’s eyes, felt her cheeks go rosy. Yaz smiled back, feeling her heart race at how the Doctor is looked at her. Najia cleared her throat and the Doctor broke eye contact, and shouted, "Hi, Khan family! Me again! Najia, going back to your question a while ago, y'know, with the mutated spider debacle: yes! It turns out we are seeing each other! Fancy that, huh!"

They have a family movie night. The Doctor watches Yaz, having already seen (and read) _Order of the Phoenix_ so many times she can quote both the movie and book backwards. Yaz feels her staring, and occasionally turns to pull faces at her. She presses her hands over her mouth to keep her laughter as quiet as possible.

The credits roll. Yaz passes the Doctor a blanket and pillow, more for appearances sake since they both know she rarely sleeps and will likely be up all night watching telly or reading every book in her Kindle library. Yaz lost the argument to letting her sleep in her and Sonya’s room.

The Doctor tries to sit still, she really does, but it’s extremely hard without Yaz next to her. She reads through every ingredient list in the fridge and cupboards. Then through half of _Harry Potter_ on her nifty little e-reader. She glances at the clock and it’s only been an hour, slides her phone out.

 _11.05 p -_ Yazzzz!

 _11.06 p -_ Yaz, are you awake?

A door creaks open and Yaz tip toes into the living room, grabs the untouched blanket, wraps it around her, and joins the Doctor on the couch.

“Hi,” she whispers, pressing a soft kiss to the Doctor’s lips.

“Hi,” the Doctor whispers back, laying back to allow the woman to lay on her chest, hopes her hearts aren’t loud enough to keep Yaz awake. Yaz kisses her again instead, straddling her hips, sliding her hands into blonde hair. The Doctor loses her breath, wrapping her arms around Yaz’s waist, pulling her closer. She’s giddy when Yaz pulls away a long while later, eye lids drooping.   
“I’ve been waiting to do that all evening,” Yaz whispers, nestling her head into the Doctor’s neck. “Love you," she breathes, tickling the skin there.

“I love you, too,” the Doctor whispers back, pressing a kiss to the top of Yaz’s head.

She watches her Sheffield girl sleep, counts her breaths and slows her own to match. She reads through the other half of _Harry Potter_. Then she watches telly on mute until 5 am, when her legs start to get extremely restless. She was promised a big tour of England. But a _Yaz_ tour, so it’s going to be completely new. At 6, she hears the flat start to stir. She looks at the state of the pair of them, Yaz still directly on top of her, one hand having untucked her shirt during their make out, snuggly under it against her ribs, and one of her own hands under Yaz’s night top.

“ _Yaz_ ,” she whispers, tapping her fingers against the small of Yaz’s back, “Yaz, wake up.”

The woman huffs in protest, “No.”

“Please?”  
“Na-uh.”

“But it’s 6am, you know I need to go outside…”

Yaz raises her head, moves her arms so she can prop her chin up on her hands. “You are the world’s most adorable dog breed, did you know that?”She leans forward.

“So I’ve been told.” The Doctor meets her half way for a quick kiss. “Also, I think your parents are waking up.”

That gets Yaz up fully. “Why didn’t you just say so? Just give me a mo’.”

Yaz darts back to her bed room. The Doctor rises, stretches, folds the blanket and fixes her suspenders. Yaz reappears a moment later in a new outfit, breath smelling like peppermint tooth paste, and wearing the Doctor’s favorite smile.

“Okay, Sheffield girl,” she murmurs, holding out her hand, “I’m ready for my tour.”

Yaz beams even brighter, takes her hand,

“As soon as the gift shops open, we’re getting you a tourist hat.”

* * *

_So I guess all the rumors are true_

_You know I love a London girl_

_Girl, I fancy you_


	3. Paper Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gives Yaz a ring. Or two. Or twenty.

_Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night_

_(Oh!) Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright_

_Three times 'cause you waited your whole life_

* * *

Yaz wakes up to the Doctor gently shaking her awake, moonlight framing her face. She’s almost swayed by how beautiful she is. Almost.

“Doctor, it’s like, 2 in the morning,” Yaz groans.

“Actually more like 3,” the Doctor corrects, leaning down to kiss her. It’s usually how she gets Yaz to forgive her antics.

“I’ve got something to show you,” the Doctor murmurs when they break apart to catch their breath, “You may want a coat.” She rises, and leaves the room. Yaz groans, flops back onto her bed. “Yaz,” the Doctor chides, popping back in, “Get a shift on!” Then the Doctor is gone again. Yaz sighs, and slides out of bed, grabbing the first layer her fingers touch, before making her way down the winding hallways of the TARDIS to the main console room. “Come on, old girl, work with me here,” The Doctor is whispering to the TARDIS. She pulls the lever, then races past Yaz further into the ship. Yaz waits, leaning against the console, trying to blink sleep out of her eyes. She loves the Doctor very, very much, but she also loves her sleep. Despite this, though, she knows whatever is about to happen will be worth it. The Doctor emerges 5 minutes later very disheveled, grabs Yaz’s hand and takes her to the TARDIS door and opens it. Overhead, a meteor shower is occurring, dazzling the night sky. Below them, crowds of people oh and ah, unaware of their hovering presence.

“This is the Geminids,” she tells Yaz, “Happy birthday, Yaz.” She kisses her check softly. “I wanted to do something to mark the occasion, even though we’re kind of all over your timeline.”

Yaz’s eyes take in the splendor of the event.

“It’s best seen in North America, so I wasn’t sure if you’d ever seen it but… It reminded me of you.”

“It’s beautiful,” Yaz breathes, squeezing the Doctor’s free hand.

“I got you a gift, too,” she tells her, presenting her with a small purple box. Yaz takes it, opens it slowly. Inside is a ring that matches the earring the Doctor has taken to wearing, two hands clasped and a star over them. She can hear Yaz’s heart speed up. “Do you like it?”

Yaz nods, and her face breaks out in the Doctor’s favorite smile. The Doctor takes the ring from the box and slides it onto Yaz’s right hand. “There. Now we’re proper matching.”

"I love it," she whispers, slipping her arms around the Doctor's waist, pressing her face into her neck, "Thank you."

The Doctor hugs her back, runs her fingers through the tangles of Yaz's hair.

"You're very welcome, love."

They sit, legs hanging over the doorway of the TARDIS, watching the comets streak across the sky, until Yaz drifts back off to sleep, head on the Doctor’s shoulder.

* * *

_I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings_

_Uh huh, that's right_

_Darling, you're the one I want, and_

_I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this_

* * *

Yaz wanders through the arcade. Around her, species she’s never seen act exactly like pre-teen boys, and she can’t help but laugh as they celebrate over wins. Maybe wins? She stares at one game so long the light up duck-beavers are still behind her eyes but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out the rules to the game. She passes Ryan, wearing some extreme tech version of a VR helmet, and Graham close by, being surrounded by… mimes? She giggles as he catches her eye, mouths “ _Help me!”_ before one of the mimes paints a streak of white on his cheeks, and another paints blue around his eyes.

She has a fistful of tickets from a shooting game, and is trying to find the prize counter. She’s taken three laps around the place, and is just starting to think the Doctor picked the _one_ arcade in all of the universes that _doesn’t_ let their patrons trade paper for bouncy balls, when she spots a disheveled looking man behind a counter and a pile of tickets around 5 ft high.

“Someone struck gold tonight, huh?” Yaz asks the guy, putting her extremely sad looking ticket haul on the counter.

“I don’t understand,” the man returns, “She’s been dropping them off all night but won’t tell me what she _wants_. At this point, she’ll have enough tickets to own _me_.”

“Oh, ouch,” Yaz chuckles, squinting at his name tag, “A-3… I’m sorry, I don’t know what those symbols mean.”

“A-3 is fine. And you are-?”  
“Yaz.”

“Yaz, great! With a normal amount of prize tickets, what can I get you?”

She studies the prizes in the counter, tries not to let on that she isn’t sure what half of them are.

“Oh, good lord,” A-3 sighs, “She’s back.” Yaz turns on her heels and bites back her laughter.

“Yaz!!” the Doctor shouts, walking faster, stray tickets flying out behind her, “I was just going to look for you!” She dumps the tickets onto the counter, grabs her jacket collar and pulls her in for a kiss. She tastes of strawberry daiquiris. 

“You know her?” A-3 asks when the Doctor releases her from the kiss, putting her hands on her hips instead, pressing her forehead to Yaz’s shoulder, giggling.

“My ah..." Yaz starts, looking for the right word, "Girlfriend. Partner. Other half... Who has apparently been drinking?”

“I am _so_ much better at Dance Dance Space Revolution when I am drunk, Yaz. It’s a _method_ ,” the Doctor shouts into her neck. Then she straightens up, looks A-3 dead in the eye, her serious look taking over her face. “A-3, what can I get for 1,000,000 tickets? No, no, wait, don’t tell me, I’ll figure it out.” She squats down in front of the counter, head in her hands, and goes completely still.

“Is she always like this?” A-3 asks.

“I could say no, but that would be lying. She doesn’t drink normally, though. What’s Dance Dance Space Revolution?”

“You have to dance your way to victory over an evil tyrant trying to take over the Silky Way.”

“Don’t you mean Milky Way?”  
“No, he means Silky Way,” the Doctor pipes up, then taps her finger on the glass. “Give me that.”

“The robot dog?” A-3 asks.

“No, the spider rings.”

“Those are only 25 tickets each…”  
“Great, then give me all of them.” He passes her the box of them. It barely takes a dent out of the ticket collection. "Yaz, do you want anything?"

Yaz picks a rainbow scrunchie and what looks like a Rubix cube. They give A-3 the rest of the tickets, and go to find the restaurant in bar. Yaz puts the top of the Doctor's hair into a little pony tail, steals her fries. They share a chocolate milkshake. The Doctor puts a spider ring on each of Yaz’s fingers, except for the one with her birthday ring on it. “Kind of like an anniversary,” the Doctor tells her, and then tries to sneak as many as she can in Yaz’s hair. Yaz ends up eating all of the Doctor’s fries, and spots a photo booth tucked away in a corner. They take dozens of pictures, half of them kissing. The Doctor leans in as the photo timer counts down.

“I love you, Yaz,” she whispers. The picture captures their huge grins as Yaz whispers back,

“I love you, too.”

* * *

_Uh huh, that's right_

_Darling, you're the one I want_

_In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams_

_Oh, you're the one I want_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay im trying to write a scene with a ring pop and my head is starting to hurt I can't make it work yet but I will update with it once I do!


	4. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz sees purgatory and Gallifrey.

_With you, I serve_

_With you I fall down, down_

* * *

The Doctor’s cheeks are flushed, and she can’t bring herself to speak. She feels the Yaz-shaped hole in the room but she can’t bring herself to go outside. She can feel Ryan’s and Graham’s eyes on her, waiting for her to do what she knows is her job, hears Ryan go instead when she doesn’t move. Her fists clench the longer she stares at the spot on the wall, unable to figure out what shape it makes. How could she have let that _happen_ to her?

Ryan comes back into the house alone. “Doc,” he says, “The spot on the wall ain’t going anywhere.”

She exhales a shaky breath, turns. “Ryan, I am livid with myself.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She takes another breath, and walks out of the house. Her anger grows when she sees Yaz’s shoulder shaking with tears. This is her fault. She couldn’t keep Yaz _safe_. She crosses to her partner, sits down on the step, and unclenches her fists.

“I don’t even know what to say, Yaz,” she whispers, “There aren’t enough languages in the galaxy to make a proper apology. Keeping you safe is my _responsibility-_ I know it’s not about me, and I’ll shut up right now, I just…”

Yaz looks at her, eyes round. She reaches up, brushes tears from her cheeks. “I thought I’d never see you again,” Yaz whispers, “I was all alone. I thought I was _dead_.”

“I am _so sorry_ , my love.” Yaz wraps her arms around the Doctor’s waist. The Doctor hugs her back, counts her breaths. “I will never let that happen to you… If you go down, I go down. We go down together.”

That earns a shaky laugh from Yaz. “Ryan gave a much better pep talk.”

“I’m sure he did. Sorry, love, still furious with myself. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”  
“We both know that’s not true.” Yaz pulls back, raises an eyebrow.

And it’s not, try as hard as she might. When it’s all over, when Gallifrey burning is singed behind her eyelids,she paces Yaz’s room, counts her breaths, tries to match her hearts pounding to the steady beat of Yaz’s, reminds herself that this home she’s found with her is safe. That they are both still alive.

* * *

_“Doc, I think she’s crashing out”_

* * *

Yaz doesn’t hesitate to walk through the boundary. She remembers that moment on the porch a bit differently than the Doctor. Remembers seeing tears in those green eyes, feeling the Doctor’s fear as they hugged each other, and the absolute truth in her words, _Keeping you safe is my responsibility. If you go down, I go down._

So of course it’s Yaz through the boundary first. If the Doctor is down, she’s going to be there to pick her up, so they can live instead. Together. Traveling the stars.

Her ring glints in the fire backdrop of Gallifrey. Somewhere, an earring of the same design shines.

When they find the Doctor, Yaz presses her fingers to her wrists, feels both pulses. Watches her breathe in. Out. Waits for her to wake up.

_“Please_ wake up,” she whispers.

Her Doctor’s eyes open slowly, a crooked smile blooming, “My Yaz.”

* * *

_Watch you breathe in_

_Watch you breathing out, out_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big time jump between the two scenes!


	5. Coney Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz is left waiting.

_Were you standing in the hallway_

_With a big cake, happy birthday_

_Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?_

* * *

It's an unbelievable ache, deep in every cell. She's never felt so lost, her North Star covered by clouds. It's why she never wanted to fall in love. The empty that sits between her ribs where her heart was. On one wall, she marks each day that passes with a tally. There's a section on the console littered with letters she writes, the ones she can never send because she wouldn't know how to get it to _her_.

Her supervisor sticks her on desk duty when she arrives late for the third time and work becomes just another slow trickle of sand through the hour glass. Between typing up reports and filing, she searches the internet. For anything. Any notice of strange women falling to Earth on a train, running around waving a screwdriver in the air. Any trace that she was ever noticed by anyone by the three of them. Her old traffic beat partner finds her crying behind the printer supplies, sends her home early on more than one occasion. She apologizes for her lack of focus. Swears it won't happen again.

She takes up her search at dawn and dusk. She brings a blow up mattress to the TARDIS. It's been weeks since she actually slept at her flat. She can't find it in herself to leave the TARDIS, burrowed in her sleeping bag some days, writing until her hand cramps and beyond on others.

One night she gets so ridiculously drunk, she forgets. The bartender cuts her off, asks her to call her ride home. Ryan and Graham are at the pub in a flash. She doesn't register she's babbling about the times she and the Doctor would float on their backs in the TARDIS pool, tears running down her face. They're almost to her flat when she hears something. Then she's running. Sprints down towards the park because she _swears_ she hears it _. Her_. She stumbles to a halt when she realizes it was just a car engine misfiring. It takes a long time to pry her off the swings. When they do, she refuses to go home. She stumbles through the streets, knowing they are close behind, but when she reaches the TARDIS, it shuts behind her and doesn’t let the guys in. She screams, hears herself from far away, cursing the Doctor’s name. Coaxed into paradise and then left _behind_ like some _child_ who couldn’t defend herself. Even so, when she wakes up the next morning, throat raw and head throbbing, she gets up, studies her notes.

Tries again. Again. Again.

* * *

_A universe away_

* * *

The Doctor is half asleep all the time, getting more rest than a time lord would ever need in a millennia in a couple decades. She dreams of Yaz. Every time. Brown eyes that all the places she's ever seen could never hold a candle to. The smile that burns brighter than the sun. She can still feel every kiss on her lips, living between the present and the past. Every time she falls in love, she has to pay her penance. She knew it was inevitable, she just didn't think it would be so soon. She takes comfort in knowing that for them, if she ever finds a way out, it will only be a few minutes, maybe a day. But for her... she'll always remember the empty feeling beneath in her ribs, where her hearts lived, so consumed by a Sheffield girl that both hearts brimmed over. She wants to write a letter. She takes chalk and marks the cell wall, half asleep. Behind each blink, she sees her, and tries not to fall apart every time.

* * *

_And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go?_


	6. The Archer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tells Yaz everything.

_All the king's horses, all the king's men_

_Couldn't put me together again_

_'Cause all of my enemies started out friends_

_Help me hold onto you_

* * *

"Yaz, I know I have a lot of explaining to do. Now that it's just us... I suppose I can't hide from it long." The Doctor holds out her hand. It's been a few days since Ryan and Graham decided to stay on Earth. A few days of awkward silences, trying to find their footing again. But they can't do that without her apologizing again, telling her everything.

Yaz hears the sorrow in the Doctor's voice.

"Okay," she answers, taking her hand.

The Doctor leads her to the stairs.

"First. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I was gone for so long, my love. The TARDIS was bound to get it wrong, what, sitting around for decades. She gets a bit moody, being ignored like that. I tried to get it right, no more than a few minutes... I'm sorry. I missed you every second of every day of every year."

Yaz doesn't say anything for a long while.

"Love?" she prompts.

" _Decades_?" she gasps, feeling tears prick her eyes. "Alone... for decades?"

"S'not so bad... It could have been centuries. Plus, made some jail friends. Bit a couple of fences. Dreamt of you, of course.”

Yaz is quiet again; the Doctor waits patiently, tracing one finger over the backs of Yaz’s knuckles. 

"I'm sorry I shoved you…” Yaz says finally. The Doctor laughs, surprising both of them.

"I was hoping for a kiss of joy, but the statistics leaned towards probably not."

"I just really missed you, too. I spent a long time thinking you were…” Yaz meets her gaze, mouth half formed around the word. She doesn’t make her say it out loud.

"I can't imagine how painful it must have been.”

"That's another story for another time. You first, Doctor."

The Doctor tells Yaz everything about what has happened since their first run in with the Master. Tells her that she has absolutely zero clue how old she is, but it's significantly longer than she let on earlier. She tells her that everything she thought about herself was a lie, at least part of it. She tells her that sometimes her head hurts so much it feels like it's going to explode. She tells her about River Song, the family she once had, far too long ago. She tells her she misses home. Yaz holds her hand, brushes a tear from her face. "You should have seen it, Yaz," she murmurs, "Gallifrey in all its glory."

"Can't we go back to when it was?"

The Doctor shakes her head. "I've tried. But it's been destroyed for so long."

"Oh." Yaz rests her head on the Doctor's shoulder. "It's okay to be sad, Doctor."

"I was sad for a very long time. It's easier to be less sad now that we're together again...But no one can stay forever. Jack told you that. _I_ told you that. And being apart... Everyone I love gets hurt. Either because they die and I outlive them or I have to leave them or we get trapped in different universes. Sometimes I can't believe you've chosen me, Yaz. Knowing everything." Yaz leans back, cups the Doctor's face in her hands.

"I wouldn't trade our time for anything, Doctor."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said. Anyone who has ever known you... who could stay away? This, right now, all this time. It's worth it. You know why?" The Doctor shakes her head. "Because the pain means it was real. This is the most real thing."

"I don't deserve you, Yasmin Khan," the Doctor breathes as she leans in.

"Can it, you. We both know that's not true." Yaz closes the inches between their mouths, slides her fingers into her hair. The Doctor wraps her arms around Yaz’s waist, tries to hold her as close as possible.

* * *

_I've been the archer_

_I've been the prey_

_Who could ever leave me, darling?_

_But who could stay?_

* * *

_Who could stay? You could stay..._


	7. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz and the Doctor celebrate an anniversary of... something.

_And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear_

_Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?_

* * *

Time gets extremely jumbled in this line of living. Yaz isn’t sure how many years have gone past, considering the Doctor can drop her off on the same day they left Ryan and Graham (if the TARDIS chooses to cooperate, which it does more often for Yaz’s sake than the Doctor’s). The Doctor insists on marking her birthday whenever they travel to a time during Sagittarius season. Yaz begins throwing the Doctor mini birthday parties whenever the whim strikes her, neither of them knowing when it actually is, or even if it would even align with Earth birthdays. When the whim strikes the Doctor, Yaz wakes up to candles, pancakes, and a very naked Doctor wishing her a ‘happy anniversary’!

Yaz yawns, rolls over, reaching out to the other side of the bed where she normally finds her Doctor reading on her Kindle. Her hand hits the empty covers. She tries desperately not to panic, but those ten empty months still fill her with dread whenever she wakes up alone. Her eyes fly open as she sits up. The Doctor grins at her from the doorway, and relief floods her system as she takes in the sight of the candlelight flickering against the Doctor’s skin. Today is going to be one of those days. “Good morning, love,” the Doctor coos, crossing over to the edge of the bed. “Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary,” she returns, leaning up to meet the incoming kiss halfway as the Doctor’s hands tug at her night shirt, pulling it over her head. “Oi, wait a moment…” The Doctor’s lips travel to her neck, climbing up onto the bed to straddle her and press her back into the mattress.

“Not in the mood?” The Doctor sits back on her heels. Yaz’s hands follow, resting them on her thighs.

“I definitely am-“ and the Doctor grins, leans down to press kisses to her collarbones. “But… where are my pancakes?” The kisses pause.

“Ah… They’re on the kitchen ceiling. But, ah, if you want cake, I’ve got you covered…”

Yaz laughs, gives the Doctor’s ass a soft pat in acknowledgement. “You’re such a _dork_.”  
“Mm, you chose this dork.”

“Proudly so.” Yaz tilts the Doctor’s head so she can capture a kiss. It gets the anniversary celebration going again.

* * *

_My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue_

* * *

“Can we have a booth by the window?” the Doctor asks the host, who nods politely and changes directions.  
“Someone will be right over with biscuits,” the host says, placing the menus on the table.

“Are you getting the usual?” Yaz asks when they’re alone, propping up her feet on the other seat.

“Dunno, should we spice it up today? It is a special occasion after all.”

“What anniversary is it this time?”

“Ah… the spider one? No, no, our first kiss?”  
Yaz shakes her head, grinning. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. And if you want fries, you’re going to need to order your own. I’m not sharing.” The Doctor wags a finger at her. Yaz takes her hand, brings it to her lips, flashes her best puppy dog eyes. The Doctor shakes her head. “I mean it, Yaz.” But Yaz can feel the Doctor’s pulses pick up and she knows she’s going to get her way. Over banana pancakes with chocolate syrup spiderwebs, an omelet with five cheeses, biscuits - both the cookie kind and the fluffy bread kind - and one big plate of fries, the Doctor goes over possible excursions for the day. “You choose,” Yaz tells her when she’s done, “I’ll go where you go. Always.”

“Well, Jack has been Whatsapp’ing me about a party in about ten years. We could pop in there?”

“Okay,” Yaz agrees, popping a fry in her mouth, “But if he tries to kiss you again, I will punch him again.”

“I think he’s learned his lesson.”

“For his sake, I hope he has.” Yaz eats another fry. The Doctor lets her, grinning as the ring she gave to Yaz catches the light from the Milky Way.

* * *

_All's well that ends well to end up with you_

* * *

The Doctor slowly paces the TARDIS main room, fiddling with random knobs and buttons on the console, waiting for Yaz to get dressed. “Does she need help, old gal?” she asks the TARDIS, which beeps back to her. “I know, I know, you think I’m co-dependent. But what does that make you?” The ship’s responding sound is deep. “Just teasing.”

“Ready!’ Yaz’s voice echoes to her, before emerging twenty seconds later. The Doctor pauses, takes her in, feels her mouth turn to cotton.

“What do you think? Yaz gives a spin, the silk dress following her moves. “Too much?”  
“No,” the Doctor breathes, turning pink, “It’s perfect.” Yaz beams.

“You look so handsome, love. Very equestrian.”

“We’ll be the belles of the ball. Plus, Jack often has horses as his parties. Never a bad idea to be ready for a moonlight ride.” She offers Yaz the crook of her arm, “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

They emerge from the TARDIS in the middle of a rose garden, follow the sounds of laughter and music. Two bouncers man the bottom of the stairs, a short man between them with a clipboard bigger than his head.

“Names?”  
“The Doctor,” the Doctor answers, “And the missus.”

“Yasmin Khan?” the man asks, glancing up from the clipboard. Yaz nods. He looks back down at the list. “Go right in. Mr. Harkness will be waiting for you two.”

“Does it really say ‘the missus’?” Yaz asks as they ascend the stairs.

“In all fairness, I was a bloke for the past 50 or so years. Makes sense I’d be the mister, dun’it?”

“Oi, hold on… Is this the anniversary of a wedding I don’t remember?”

“Like I’d deprive you of planning our wedding. Honestly, love.”

“Ladies!” Jack shouts as they enter the main ballroom, fast walking to them. “I’m coming in!” He gets his arms around both of them in a big hug. “Remind me, which of you am I allowed to kiss?” He laughs when he lets them go.  
“Neither, Jack,” the Doctor scolds, gripping his shoulder before he can go for Yaz.

“Okay, okay,” he sighs, “Fair enough. So, how are the wives of the galaxy? And how are the silver fox and Ryan?"

"Graham and Ryan are joining NASA now. Yaz and I are celebrating." 

"Glad to hear it! We're all celebrating! You need drinks! What can I get you?”

“Strawberry daiquiri,” the Doctor answers.  
“Just a martini,” Yaz adds.

“Two tequila shots. Got it. Meet me at the bar.” He heads off across the room to the bar.

“Did he just call us the… wives of the galaxy?" Yaz asks when he's out of earshot, "What about-“

“I told you, that was a long time ago. Besides, weren’t you the one who asked if I wanted to marry you?”  
“I also said this is normally something people talk about first.”  
“I’m not human.”

“Cheeky. You could’ve at least put a ring on my finger first…”

“I did.” The Doctor taps her earring, and the matching ring on Yaz's finger. “Come on, Yasmin Khan. Let’s dance. Then, when we retire for the night, we’ll dance more.” The Doctor winks, pulls her out onto the floor, kisses her deep, “Happy anniversary, my love, all of them.”

* * *

_Can I go where you go?_

_Can we always be this close forever and ever?_

_And ah, take me out, and take me home_

_You're my, my, my, my_

_Lover_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahhhhh sorry I think I know river from a singular episode and while I am sure the entire fandom loves her, I am super ambivalent about her. also Yaz and the Doctor are unofficial space wives now. hope you enjoyed the story!
> 
> these are the outfits I imagine them in:  
> https://www.madeinbridal.com/Luxury_Noble_Silk_Satin_Handmade_Yellow_Evening_Gown/p6630227_20115183.aspx
> 
> https://www.asmarequestrian.com/products/deluxe-shadbelly?variant=31434287087650&gclid=CjwKCAiAg8OBBhA8EiwAlKw3kpuouTpLNczVjBjp_UPT9I23rNHmBPvVpfM8l9Wfq7ZLb7hbXCQ4XxoC2R8QAvD_BwE


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